Jen Hogg, former Sergeant, NY Army National Guard
Jen joined the New York National Guard in 2000 at the age of 18 while still a senior in high school. While she was aware of Don't Ask Don't Tell from the media, she figured, having grown up in a religious Southern family, that not telling and not being asked about her sexuality would be nothing new.
After six months of initial training as a track vehicle mechanic and wrecker operator, Jen returned to Buffalo a few months before 9/11. The National Guard usually requires just one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer but as soon as Jen saw the towers drop, she knew she would be activated. That fateful day, Jen promptly returned home from a job interview cut short to begin preparing to leave.
When I was called up on September 11th, I did not know what we were headed for or when I would be back. This is when the policy hit me hard the first time: everybody in the Buffalo Armory had family, husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, wishing them luck, expressing emotion and love. I couldn't. I could only sneak a quick hug with my partner. It was not allowed by policy, even though I was heading into active service and could and would make significant sacrifices.
Jen found that the secrecy required of her impacted her desire to serve her country. Despite the limited service required by the National Guard, she lived under Don't Ask, Don't Tell 365 days a year for all of the five years she served. She knew that re-enlisting would mean living a lie so when she was honorably discharged early for a medical condition, she decided not to challenge it.
There is a sign in every armory and recruiting station and barrack. There is a mirror below it, and it says, ‘Remember why you serve: to defend freedom,' but I can't kiss my loved one goodbye, even though it is not inconceivable I might not come back. How can I defend freedom if I can't have my own?
Jen is the cofounder of Service Women’s Action Network (SWAN) and lives in Jersey City, New Jersey.
